I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
