So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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