I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
