there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
