i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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