btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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