Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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