3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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