genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
