..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
