dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
