Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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