just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
