at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
