dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
