i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize