Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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