To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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