Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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