i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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