Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
