So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
