Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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