I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
