i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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