in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
