I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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