I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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