forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
