just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
