hotel room ftw
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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