good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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