I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
