I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize