Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
