Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
