six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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