I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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