she is the kim kardashian of front butts
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
