I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
