who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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