True but thats because hes a fetus.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
