I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
