Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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