U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
