Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
