If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
