Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
