Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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