if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize