I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
