Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
