I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
