You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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