i need an iv and a liver transplant
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
