I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
