tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My ass is underappreciated
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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