I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize