Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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