hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
