conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
