I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
