office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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