Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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