Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Never let your siblings swipe right.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
