I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
