So drunk its hurt
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?