Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
