I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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