just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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