I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
