Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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