I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
