I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
