Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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