I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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